Update on Dad Thurs. 1/08

Very rough day yesterday. Unfortunately, I was not able to get up to the hospital to see my Father yesterday due to my schedule and his 3 hour long dialysis treatment. My Mom and sister Joanne were there to see him. They say he was very verbal asking them to let him die. My Mom said he was looking her right in the eye and asking her to "let him go." This is so difficult as Dad is confused at times, and it is not known whether or not he is aware of the most recent discovery of his bowel infection and new antibiotic treatment.

My Mom and I spoke on the phone and she was an emotional mess doubting herself and asking me what she should do. I had to tell her that it just isn't time to stop being aggressive with this current regimen of treatments as we have just learned of the origin of the bowel infection and are aggressively going after it with antibiotics. I reminded her that he has only had 2 days of antibiotic therapy to fight this "C-Diff" bacteria and we need to continue this treatment for at least 10 days and then we can make a decision as to moving towards non-aggressive care and comfort care for Dad. She felt a bit better and regained her composure.

Later that evening, my Dad's doctor called my Mom and informed her that he is progressively getting worse and to be prepared for his death. My Mom called me again extremely upset. I was furious that his doctor spoke with her like this. From now on, he will call me with anything he needs to say. I reminded my Mom once again as to the fact that he isn't telling her anything she didn't already know and that he is an alarmist type of person. I spoke with the charge nurse on the CCU unit and he informed me that at this time Dad was stable, yet critical. He stated that he is no different than yesterday.

We are all quite aware that my Father is close to death. This new antibiotic regimen must be continued for the 10 days minimum. At that point, if he is no better or even worse, we will all make a decision regarding hospice care and speak with him about "letting go." This antibiotic regimen is probably our last hope. It will either work or not work, but we have to wait for the outcome and the full course of therapy. She agreed.

This is so unbelievably painful. I know I am strong and can take care of myself through all of this. I know that my family relies on me for emotional strength and information. I will continue to take care of myself and my family and my Dad. With God's assistance, I am able.