Late night DAD update-now on hospice care

Dad has decided to go onto comfort care only. He will halt dialysis and his medications that keep his blood pressure high enough for him to survive. In his words, he has "had enough, put me out to pasture."

It was a very emotional scene at his bedside this evening with my Mom and my two sisters along with Mike there all around his bed. I went to see him as both his medical doctor and nephrologist are not giving him much hope. My Mom wanted me to speak with him. He was clear regarding his intentions but was very fearful of dying. I promised him I would make sure that he will not suffer any pain. I told him to "think of Jesus and to make sure his relationship with God was in good shape." He agreed.

The other day he and I were together in his room and as I was getting ready to go home he became upset and didn't wish for me to leave. I stayed a while longer and when I finally did leave I again told him I loved him. He told me he loves me too. That was just so wonderful to hear. He had told me this just one other time in his life, but this was when he was heavily medicated after his quadruple bypass and valve replacement surgery. This time he was non-medicated and it was different.

There was some discussion of my Mom having him come home to die, but it was extremely clear that she cannot emotionally handle this possibility; so I didn't offer this option to my Dad. If he had asked me about it I would have explained to him that Mom was very certain that this was more than she can handle. He didn't ask me about this option.

My Dad and I will meet tomorrow morning with my Mother to make sure that he is wanting to stop fighting and to die there at the hospital. We will sign all necessary paperwork then.

It was interesting that my Father told us all that he wanted to be cremated. We had a honest discussion of this. He also indicated which funeral home he wished to be laid out in as well. This will make things easier on my Mom.

So, what am I feeling... Well, I am so grateful for the time that I have enjoyed with my Dad over the last few weeks. He has been just so incredibly sweet to me. He indicted how appreciative he is that I have been so involved in his care and been there for him and my family. I have done all I can. I will blog more of how I am dealing with all of this. For now, I have to get things done and take care of myself.