Simple Kindness: #6

BE THE KIND OF FRIEND YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE

The best friendships are both strong and fragile. They sustain us in the most difficult times, but they require a careful balancing of needs and expectations. From moment to moment, these relationships are never equal. When our friend has a problem, we put our needs aside for a while. On another day, we ask for support and trust that our friend will be there. The desire for closeness also varies. Sometimes, friendship is a high priority. At other times, we're occupied by work or family, and pull back. The closest friends take the long view-they know that through give and take over time, each will feel valued, appreciated, cared for and loved.

REMINDERS

* Be trustworthy. Don't betray a confidence or in any way deceive your friend. Follow through on your commitments.

* Be available to listen and help. Suggest ways your friend can deal with problems, but don't pressure him or her to follow your advice.

* Bring as much as you can to the relationship-insights, suggestions, interesting news, ideas for activities.

* Keep to a level of emotional intimacy that fits the closeness and nature of each friendship. Don't hide your feelings, yet don't tell too much.

* Be thoughtful and caring, and show a generous spirit. Be glad for your friend's successes and share your own. Accept your friend's other relationships graciously and without jealousy.

* Be fair-don't ask or insist on getting your way. Likewise, don't let yourself be imposed upon.