Simple Kindness: #11

TREAT YOUR SIBLINGS AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO TREAT YOU

Although we're connected to our siblings from birth to death, the nature of our relationship is usually set in childhood. If we like our siblings, we have peer companions for life, with the ups and downs of any close relationships. If we don't like one of our siblings, we have a constant, irritating reminder of our parents'-and life's-real or perceived unfairness. Avoiding contact won't keep us from thinking about our sibling. But time, maturity, perspective, and deliberate effort can allow us to form a polite connection and even find value in continuing family history and traditions together.


REMINDERS

* If you and your siblings get along, do what you can to strengthen your ties. Call and visit, get together for special occasions, plan trips together.

* If your relationship has been strained, try to create at least cordial bonds on recent experiences, family activities, and polite conversations.

* Encourage contact between your immediate family--partner and children--and your sibling's. The cousins may form warm relationships even if you and your sibling aren't close.

* If you disapprove of your sibling's choices in partner, job, or lifestyle, avoid interfering. Be civil, stay connected, and only offer advice if it's asked for.

* If your sibling has been successful in ways that matter to you, don't let jealousy or resentment keep you from staying in touch; try to focus on other dimensions of your relationship. If you have achieved more, be sensitive to your sibling's feelings, don't show off or try to arouse envy.