Simple Kindness: #14

TREAT PEOPLE IN MOURNING THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED

We approach grieving friends knowing that we can't take away their hurt over the death of a loved one. Grief is a fundamental and inevitable sorrow. We can be of some help, though, by contacting or visiting our friends at such a difficult time. We don't have to say anything profound. We can be simple. "This is such a sad loss, I wanted to be with you and tell you how very sorry I am." We can listen to our friends and talk to them about the person who has died. The mourning may last over a long time, and we can continue to communicate over the weeks and months ahead.



REMINDERS

* Call or send a card to your friend when you hear of the death. If you knew the person who died, say something kind and personal about them.

* Offer practical help--cooking, shopping, or driving--or just pitch in if you see a need. However, don't push the family if they decline your offer.

* Listen to whatever your friend wants to say; encourage your friend to talk about his or her loved one. Share your own stories if you knew the loved one.

* If your friend cries, just sit with him or her. Put your arm around your friend, or give a hug if that seems appropriate.

* If you didn't get in touch at the time of the death, you still can, even months later. Apologize and tell your friend that you were uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, but that you've been thinking of him or her. You'll feel better, and your friend will probably be glad you called.

* It is usually not helpful just to say, "Call me if you need anything." Most people won't do that. It's more helpful to ask, "Is it alright if I call?" Then, make sure you do!


SIMPLE KINDNESS=HOW TO BE KIND IN AN OFTEN RUDE WORLD