Listening Fully

Tips to Listen Fully

1. Realize the distinction between listening and hearing. Hearing is an auditory/physiological process. Listening involves the whole person—mind, heart and soul. Attentiveness, interest, and concern need to shine through.
Listen with your whole self. Forget yourself for a short while and show an interest. There’s so much to learn from people. Everybody has a story.

2. Reflect back on what the other says. Comment on it; it makes them feel heard. All too often we bring it back to ourselves. Let people feel that it’s all about them for that moment.

3. Be present and stay focused. Stay with the other person’s talk. It’s obvious when the listener is simply thinking about his next comment.

4. Ask questions—meaningful ones, not the concrete 5 W questions (where, what, who, when, why). It shows you really want to understand the other person, not just participate at the bare minimum.

5. Acknowledge feelings. I know this can sound like touchy feely stuff. But it’s the crux of good communication. It’s worth repeating again: when people feel understood, they’re less likely to get defensive and argumentative.

As human beings, our visceral need is to feel held, with words, rather than to receive solutions.
When we get the space and understanding we need, we can usually come to our own answers. And if not, there’s always time to brainstorm for possible solutions.

In the simple act of listening, you can reveal much to someone else. What if we all just listened more?