Turning 50/Reflections

This Sunday, August 16th, I will become 50 years of age. I have been telling those who love me and know me well that I will soon be starting the second half of my life. It is certainly a time for much reflection and evaluation.

Honestly, when I really look at where I am in my life, I am quite content. I am enjoying a successful psychotherapy practice, fitness practice, hypnotherapy practice, and Institute that I have opened. My office is literally a 5 minute walk from our home. I really love what I do and there is nothing that I would rather be doing to pay the bills. I never take for granted the absolute honor and privilege to effect the lives of all the people I treat.

I love my partner. Michael is the most wonderful human being that I have ever met. We share a very deep and profound love which endures all. He is also my very best friend. As we begin our 14th year together, I look forward to sharing the rest of our lives together. Our home is filled with love, laughter, and honest devotion. We can talk about and work through anything together. We are the true definition of a TEAM.

I enjoy wonderful friendships some of which I have had the good fortune to have had for over 30 years. While I sometimes can't believe that we have tolerated each other for so long, I am truly appreciative of my friendships. I am always open to new relationships that develop along the way. My friends are so dear to me. (Special mention to Ken, Carmine, and Lea, my F.H.)

I am in excellent health. This, despite a diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, a terminal illness, 5 years ago which is annoying each day, but has become manageable. I work out regularly, eat well, and take excellent care of myself. I am sure to eat plenty of fruits, veggies, and lean protein each day. I no longer eat red meat, no longer ingest artificial sugars, and do not eat "empty calories." I drink fresh water all day. While I would like to be a bit leaner, I refuse to give up my "free meal" on Saturdays, so I accept the number on the scale. I experience episodic lower back pain, but it is very manageable. I am more flexible, stronger, and fit than I have been in many years.

I still have most of my hair! It has become thinner over the years, but I still need to comb my entire head. I have a bit of grey, but due to my hair's natural dark blond color, people rarely even notice. It's a shame that my goatee has grey in it, but I will never be one of those people who dye their hair and facial hair. No way! People who don't know me well sometimes think I'm in my late 30's or early 40's. (even if you say that to me and don't really mean it, it's fine with me. And thank you, by the way.)

I miss my Dad. I would have loved to share my 50th birthday with him. Despite our very difficult relationship, I loved him. I miss him every day.

I am less angry and stubborn than I used to be. I am more patient and tolerant of others. I continue to work on myself by learning more through meditation, therapy, reading, self-discovery, and mindfulness.

I am now completely honest with myself and others. I care less what others think of me. I am more concerned with being authentic and true to myself. In my interactions with others, I have no more responsibility than to be honest, kind, and compassionate. I have learned that some will not like me or perhaps even hate me for who I am. I have no control over this.

I think I have gained much wisdom as I have grown older. I know I have more wisdom to obtain. I never want to be an "old fool."

I am enjoying closer relationships with my Mom and my sisters since my Dad's death this past January. This has been a wonderful and beautiful experience.

My relationship with my Creator God is paramount in my life. I feel Him move through me in all that I do.

I work a lot of hours. I really do. I plan to do less of that during the next 5 or so years. Certainly, life is more than just making money and working.

So, for the next 50 years of my earthly life, I will continue to accept and let go of all the things that I know get in my way; the desires, attachments, and old outdated ways of seeing myself and the world. I seek to be mindful in all ways. I dedicate myself to be a better partner, friend, brother, son, Uncle, Nephew, Godfather, Doctor, trainer, teacher, colleague, neighbor, "Daddy", citizen, and human being.